Sweet Child of Mine
by Russian Wolf 666
Summary: Angry at all the mocking during her pregnancy,Konan uses a medical jutsu that causes the ukes of Akatsuki to become pregnant as well.During a misson to Kohana all 5 children are attacked and forget everything but their parents aren't about to leave them. ON HOLD for an undetermined amount of time
1. Bios and beginnings

Seme's name is always first!

Asuka

Daughter of Pein and Konan

Looks almost exactly like her mother, except for one thing, her bright orange hair. She wants to be just like her father and mimics him every chance she gets and is rarely away from his side.

Akako

Daughter of Itachi and Tobi (Yes **Tobi**. That son of a bitch Madara deserves a far worse death than is allowed to be shown on TV)

What can I say she's an Uchiha. You know black hair and eyes, unless they're in the Sharingan. She's not as cold as Itachi but not as hyper as Tobi, though when she's really happy about something that little extra bit of Tobi comes out.

Amami

Daughter of Sasori and Deidara

She has bright red hair and sky blue eyes. She prefers puppets to explosives but she loves to fly on Deidara's birds. Only when extremely frustrated will she slip into using 'un' but when furious she is very quiet.

Don't ask me why all the girls' names start with 'A'. I didn't plan it like that, the meanings just fit so well.

Jin

Son of Kakuzu and Hidan

Choppy brown hair and emerald green though he avoided Kakuzu's stitches but still can use those threads. He has a short temper and a high profanity use, though how much is meant to be cruel depends on his temper. He does worship Jashin but keeps it away from Kakuzu because he knows that he hates it.

Hisoka

Son of Kisame and Zetsu

Uneven chin length green hair and yellow eyes (think the shape of white Zetsu's eye). His skin is pale with a blueish tint. He has sharp teeth like Zetsu's and prefers plant and water jutsu's. He doesn't have a split personality though he does tend to talk to himself. He's pretty easy going but can be utterly bloodthirsty when angry.

Eight furious and exhausted pairs of eyes glared at the single woman present at the table. She had done this to them. Before then ten people present, on top of the hard wood table, was five newborn babies. Konan smirked at the men around her before turning her attention to the small child that was her own and cooing gently. All through her pregnancy she had been treated as helpless and weak, so she made the uke's of the Akatsuki pregnant as well. Needless to say, everyone suddenly knew who was being screwed by whom. Itachi had gotten a few days' worth of snickering at Deidara's expense and Hidan was the laughing stock of the entire group for months. Everyone saw Tobi coming and no one dared to poke fun at Zetsu, not wanting to be the one to disappear when his cravings came around.

Zetsu sighed and pressed his dual coloured face into Kisame's shoulder. He was so tired and just wanted to sleep for the next week. The birth had been excruciating and utterly draining. The child seemed to sense his father's mood and cooed comfortingly. White Zetsu smiled faintly and picked up the child. With a grunt of discomfort, he got up and walked towards his room with Kisame in tow. The others slowly left as well, taking their children from the table though some more reluctantly than others. Pein sighed and looked at the woman he so adored.

"You've set us back by years." She looked up with a far too cheery smile.

"I don't care."


	2. 5 years old part 1

Kakuzu pulled back the threads that connected his hand to the rest of his arm. Finally it emerged from the shrubbery surrounding the training grounds, tightly wrapped around the throat of a five year old boy. The boy had shoulder length brown hair and his green eyes were closed in pain as he writhed on the ground, slowly getting closer to the Akatsuki member. Finally picking him up off the ground, he lifted the child so they were eye to eye. Blunt nails clawed helplessly at the strong hand and the boy kicked his feet in a vain attempted to get out of the grip for air.

"Papa…please." Kakuzu's eyes softened at the choked voice and loosened his grip slightly. He hefted the boy a little higher and threw him roughly, though not too roughly, into one of the posts. A sound of pain was heard followed by a cry of frustration. Kakuzu walked over and crouched down, placing a hand atop the mop of brown hair so similar to his own. Hopeless green eyes looked up at the exact same pair. "Why is this so hard papa?" Kakuzu smiled sadly, the stitching on his face moving with every movement of his mouth.

"Because it's something you want badly Jin." Jin nodded in understanding and reached his arms up. Then Kakuzu did what he would never had dreamt of doing a few years prior, he lifted the boy up into his arms and cradled him as he walked back to the base.

As soon as Jin had been accepted by Jashin (and Jin accepted Jashin) Hidan had welcomed the boy with open arms. The problems started when Jin voiced his wish to avoid being a High Priest which was what Hidan was. He simply wished to keep to three prayers a day as his worship. Hidan had immediately flown off into a rage and dumped the child in Kakuzu's room, proclaiming the child a filthy heathen that was unworthy to share his blood. After getting the story out of the horrified and crushed child, Kakuzu had sat back down at his desk and resumed counting after stating that Hidan would get over it. After half an hour Jin had approached the desk and timidly asked what his father was doing.

"Counting." He replied. Jin tilted his head to one side.

"Counting what?"

"Money." Jin stood on his tip toes and tried to peer over the top of the desk. Seeing this out of the corner of his eye, Kakuzu sent the threads out to lift Jin into his lap. He pulled the money back in front of him and resumed counting, smiling as Jin joined in. Jin had slept in Kakuzu's room ever since.

Now looking down at the boy, Kakuzu couldn't fathom why he had ever wanted to kill him as a baby. Sure colic had been bad, but Jin had always calmed down for Kakuzu. At least potty training had been easy, unlike for Deidara and Sasori. Teething had been hell for Kisame and Zetsu and Itachi and Tobi had the fussiest eater on the planet. He hugged the child tighter to his chest as the base came into view.

Bright yellow eyes stared out of the foliage, trying to locate their target. The rules of this game were simple; attempt to find the other without them finding you. So far Hisoka had not been able to spot even the edge of Zetsu's cloak. He sighed and shifted as quietly as possible. It was time to move again. He suddenly felt a warmth breath on his ear.

"Gotcha." The voice whispered. Hisoka jumped, tripping over a root and falling out of the underbrush. Zetsu climbed out shortly after, both sides bearing a smirk. "You lost." The white side sang. "**And you know the punishment for losing.**" The black half's smirk widened.

"No!" Hisoka squealed and attempted to get to his feet to run. Zetsu chuckled as his vines ensnared the boy's ankles. Hisoka landed with an 'omph' and was dragged back to where Zetsu stood waiting. As soon as the boy was within arm's length, Zetsu pounced on him. Hisoka squealed and laughed as Zetsu tickled every bit of flesh he could reach. The vines still wrapped around Hisoka's ankles took care of torturing his bare feet.

Kisame looked up from where he was lounging in the water as laughter reached his ears. He smiled and climbed out, grabbing his cloak and Samahada, and made his way towards the sound of the two most important creatures in his life. The sight that greeted him was a familiar one and Hisoka was the first to spot him, though he had a hunch that Zetsu knew where he was since he left the pond.

"P-papa h-h-help." Hisoka attempted yet again to squirm away from Zetsu's hands and vines. Kisame smiled widely, showing his teeth.

"No can do kiddo." Finally Zetsu stopped and sat back on his heels. Hisoka panted, his grass green hair clinging to his forehead. The plant nin stood, mumbling something about getting food. Hisoka sat up on his knees.

"Just you wait papa. One day I'll be the one punishing you." Kisame chuckled at the thought. The white half gave an appeasing smile.

"Maybe one day." Black placed a hand on his hip and gazed down at the child challengingly. "**But don't hold your breath kid.**" Hisoka pouted slightly as Zetsu walked away. Kisame continued to laugh as he offered his hand.

"Come on champ."


	3. 5 years old part 2

Konan glanced up yet again from her origami and studied the odd sight before her. It wasn't the intimidating figure of Pein sitting behind an equally imposing looking desk doing some paperwork that was unusual; it was the small, completely unintimidating figure of Asuka hunched over her ninja lessons on the other side of the desk that struck her as odd. Every few seconds Asuka would look up and study Pein to be sure she was doing everything right. In Konan's honest opinion, it was cute that Asuka wanted to be just like her dad, but it was becoming an unhealthy obsession.

Deidara huffed and stomped his foot, grumbling angrily. He and Amami had been having a great time flying around while he explained the finer points of _real_ art. They had just landed so that he could demonstrate when the old killjoy himself showed up. Sasori had demanded that Amami work on her charka control as explosions were 'fickle things that no one with any brains should ever rely on'. Amami had agreed whole heartedly to join him and left after a happy wave to Deidara.

"Fickle huh? Fickle my ass, the only thing fickle here is that asshole!" Deep down, Deidara really didn't want to admit that he was worried that Amami might not really like him as much as she did Sasori. "Hmph that's ridicules. Sasori's boring and way too strict. After a little bit, she'll leave his stupid lesson and come back." That little while turned into a few hours. Finally, long after it had gotten dark; Sasori seemed to have gotten worried and came to find him. It wasn't hard since Deidara really hadn't moved.

"Brat, what are you still doing here? Lessons are over for the day." Deidara just turned his back to Sasori and crossed his arms. "Alright who are you and what have you done to the real Deidara? That brat is never this quiet." Still, Deidara remained silent. Sasori's brow furrowed and he grabbed the blonds arm, whipping him around so they were face to face. "Brat? Brat, answer me!" he started to unconsciously shake Deidara back and forth.

Deidara felt like his neck was going to snap and his teeth were going to shatter with how loudly they were clacking together. Suddenly, Sasori was tackled by someone and pulled Deidara down to the ground with him. They both looked up to see Amami sitting on Sasori's chest, and beating it as well. Seeing Deidara staring at her, she leapt into his lap and hugged him.

"Are you alright daddy? Papa was very mean to hurt you." Deidara stared at the little girl in shock.

"You were worried about me?" Sasori stood and dusted himself off.

"Of course we were stupid." Amamai hurled a rock at the puppet nin and scowled.

"Don't be mean to daddy!" Deidara laughed and fixed Sasori with a mock scowl.

"Yeah Danna, don't be so mean to me." Sasori just rolled his eyes.

Itachi massaged the bridge of his nose and sighed. His day was just going from bad to worse. First there had been no hot water left thanks to Deidara which led to a huge lecture to everyone from Kakuzu, then Tobi had found the energy drink Hidan had left in the fridge and drank it, then Tobi had given Akako as much sugar as he could lay his hands on. Needless to say, he had a headache. Most of the rest of the Akatsuki had vanished a long time ago but because Tobi and Akako were his responsibility, Itachi was forced to remain at the base and babysit. Currently the two were jumping up and down on the couch and singing. Loudly and very off key. The entire base was a complete mess, with the exceptions to the members' rooms, and Itachi knew that he would wind up being the one having to clean it up. The headache finally built up to the point where he could no longer stand it.

"That's it! There is a limit to how much I can take and I am done!" With that, Itachi turned around and stormed back to the room he shared with Tobi. The same Tobi that would be sleeping on the couch that night. He slammed the door and proceeded to sulk for the next few hours.

It was just passed two in the morning when Itachi decided that he would let Tobi back into the room and get started on cleaning up. When he opened the door, however, he found the base to be relatively clean. Walking into the living room, he smiled at Tobi and Akako, both of which were passed out on the couch. After carrying Akako to her bed and tucking her in, Itachi carried his uke back to their room. He scold him tomorrow.


	4. The Night Before

**I do not own Naruto blah blah blah**

**Next chapter they're off to the Leaf**

Thunder rolled loudly as the storm Pein created built to its crescendo. The Akatsuki base was quiet and dark since the residents were soundly asleep, mostly. Jin sniffled quietly and wiped the tears from his face harshly. He wasn't afraid of the storm, far from it. It was actually rather grateful for it at the moment; since Kakuzu's slumbering form was only a few feet away. Little did he know that Kakuzu had been awake for quite some time, listening and debating whether or not he should confront Jin about whatever had been keeping him awake for the past week.

"Don't be stupid." Jin hissed quietly while scrubbing off any remaining tears. "Nothing bad is going to happen on this mission. An academy student could do it blindfolded and your being a big baby about the whole thing." Without a word, Kakuzu's tentacles wrapped around Jin's waist and pulled him up into Kakuzu's bed. Pulling the covers back over the two of them, Kakuzu settled back down with a yawn.

"Nothing is going to go wrong on this mission, Jin. You don't honestly believe Hidan and I would allow it, do you?" Jin shook his head and settled happily. A sudden crash from down the hall made them both raise their heads.

"Jashin damned thunder! How the hell is anyone supposed to sleep around here with that ginger pin cushion stirring up this crap? I swear I'll kill that son of a bitch this time!" Kakuzu chuckled and laid his head back down.

"See? If Hidan gets that worked up about a storm, how do you think he'd react if something happened to you?"

"I think you'd be scarier." The two laughed before slowly drifting off to the sounds of Hidan cursing up a storm of his own.

Zetsu yawned as his black hand reached up to rumple his short hair. He reached the living room with little issue and sat down by the one window that looked up to the dark sky. He sighed heavily.

"What's wrong love?" Hisoka quietly continued to observe the sky. This was a game that they had played many times and Zetsu simply titled his head to look through the window as well, ever patient for what he knew would eventually come. The silence lasted for a few more minutes as the duo simply observed the splattering rain and flashes of lightening.

"You should wear your flytrap less often. You seem much less tense without it." A beat about the bush technique. Zetsu just shrugged a figured that he should be the one to get the ball rolling.

"It has its uses, especially on missions." He stressed the last word and watched Hisoka tense. "What are you worried about?" He tilted his head slightly to the side.

"That they might find us out. That something might happen while we're gone and we could have made all the difference." His voice dropped to a whispering mumble. "That this just might be a plot to get rid of us once and for all." Zetsu's jaw dropped; he had expected a lot of things but that was new. His teeth clenched and he pulled Hisoka into his lap and gripped his shoulders.

"None of those will ever happen." An identical pair of yellow eyes stared up at him.

"How do you know?" Zetsu smirked and pulled out a small scroll.

"Because you'll be taking this with you. a little bit of blood and it will summon both me a Kisame." Hisoka took the scroll carefully before flinging his arms around Zetsu's neck. After he pulled back Zetsu offered his hand for Hisoka to take.

"Are the others taking this mission as badly as you?" Hisoka pouted slightly at the wording.

"Jin kinda is but Asuka and Akako are way too cocky. And Amami, she's bouncing off the walls with excitement." As soon as they entered the room, Kisame rolled over and mock frowned.

"How come I'm never invited to these heart to heart talks?" The two just smirked at each other before climbing back into bed.


	5. Goodbyes might be forever

**I do not own Naruto blah blah blah**

**There is more Hidan in this chapter so look alive for foul language**

The early morning sun was just beginning to warm the earth when the boulder that guarded the Akatsuki base shifted to allow several shadowy figures out. The birds continued to chirp and flutter, completely unconcerned with the concerns that brewed in those figures. Droplets of rain ran slowly down the thick greenery and the ground was muddy where springy, and now damp, moss had not taken root.

Hisoka yawned, flashing sharp canines, as his right fist came up to rub the sleep from his eyes. Hearing of the slight worries, Pein had allowed the group of children an extra hour to sleep and, while they all had put it to good use, it was still hard to shake the sleepiness that tugged at their minds. Tobi had even arrived to the breakfast table with Akako on his back, half asleep.

Zetsu sighed as he adjusted his son's attire for the third time.

"Now remember, keep quiet and in the background. Learn everything you can about those around you and keep attacks quick and devastating." Hisoka nodded once. Kisame smiled from his place behind the two, lounging against Samahada.

"Unless of course someone shoots their mouth off to you. They're fair game then." Hisoka smiled widely while Zetsu scowled.

"**Don't give him stupid ideas, you insufferable twat**." Zetsu's flytrap rustled menacingly though Kisame appeared unaffected; only pressing a hand to his chest in mock hurt before letting out a deep, rich laugh.

Kakuzu and Hidan stood in front of Jin, shifting every once in a while out of awkwardness. Neither was very emotional and, while they were very worried about any harm that might befall their son and would miss him terribly, they couldn't seem to bring themselves to indulge in a little out of character sentiments. Jin shifted his weight from one foot to the other and gave a sort of half smile to the two.

"Well I guess this is goodbye for a while." He shifted his pack up higher on his shoulders and turned to start walking. He gasped quietly when the fabric covering his shoulder was seized and he was forcefully turned around. For a few seconds he could only stare in wonder as he was enveloped in a certain Jashinist's embrace.

"You show those sorry fuckers just what your fucking made of. If any of them try to give you shit you kick their worthless asses back to their goddamn mommy and daddy." Jin nodded and secretly nuzzled his cheek into the silky silver hair. Hidan pulled back and slipped a silver necklace over Jin's head. "Sacrifices are great for getting anger out." Hidan didn't wait for a reply, already having retreated back to his original position before Jin could thank him. He was then pulled into an awkward one armed hug from Kakuzu, who quickly thrust a scroll into his arms.

"Summoning scroll, in case you need me or Hidan." His voice was gruff and he avoided eye contact. Jin smiled and nodded his thanks, knowing that any verbal acknowledgement would only irritate Kakuzu. "Make me proud boy."

"Of course papa."

Amami blinked as a small yet heavy bag was dropped into her hands. Sasori scowled at Deidara and marched forward, intending to take the bag of clay.

"Deidara, she'll have no need of such fickle things." Just as his hand was about to make contact with the bag, it was seized by Deidara's own, the mouth on its palm latching onto the space between Sasori's thumb and forefinger. Deidara's voice came out unnaturally cold and Sasori briefly had to remind himself that he couldn't feel bodily pain.

"In a life or death situation I would prefer that she has something _**fickle**_" the word was practically hissed at Sasori, "then nothing at all." Deidara released his hold on the puppet master. "Besides, she needs to properly show everyone what real art is." Sasori's eye twitched.

"That is not art brat." Amami sighed and hugged the two in between the yelling and made down the path, smiling to herself. They were so different yet so similar she mused; thinking back to the summoning scroll Sasori had handed her that morning.

Akako and Asuka merely hugged their parents' goodbye, except in Tobi's case seeing as he clung to Akako through the entire 'make the family proud' speech bawling loudly. They came from proud families and, as they fully entered the ninja world, emotions were considered a weakness. This didn't stop Konan and Tobi from slipping summoning scrolls into their packs. Nor did it stop Asuka humming her lullaby to herself as she walked down the path or Akako from pulling out her little stuffed weasel every night to cuddle with.


End file.
